Meeting my client for the first time, I am often hugged before being introduced to the family. At first, such intimacy from a stranger threw me, until recognizing the special bond we share.
I am a certified funeral-life celebrant, working with grieving families during the worst week of their lives, serving, supporting and guiding them through a painful process. My job is to gently expedite some solemn final steps in a limited amount of time without anyone feeling rushed. I work closely with the funeral professionals, too; we are “social first responders” in a way.
The hardest part is the first call. “Hello,” I say. “My name is Leslie Charles, and I am sorry for your loss. I will be (loved one, by name)’s celebrant. Is this an okay time to talk?” Even with experience, this is tough, but being no stranger to grief, I recognize that when we hurt so deeply, talking can help. I ask questions that would be too private, inappropriate or pressing in any other circumstance. I listen, respond, probe, empathize, make notes, seek out stories, and ask to talk with others.
Then I sit, light a candle, reread the obituary a few times, review my notes and try to “connect” with the deceased. Somehow, the eulogy, my Tribute, begins taking shape. After many edits, it goes to my person, asking for corrections or additions. Many families say, “It’s perfect.” But I love it when someone rewrites or adds exact words they want said. The Tribute complete, I turn to the flow of the funeral, threading in personal aspects from start to finish.
My services are chronicles of acknowledgment and recognition, weaved with stories or examples (even humor) honoring the deceased. We celebrate what they brought to their life and those around them. Most are easy, some a challenge, but I find a way.
Who knew I’d use my speaking and writing skills like this? I didn’t, until officiating my mom’s funeral in 2021, giving her the goodbye she wanted: stories, lightness and laughter. In my personalized celebrations of life not only do I give a special gift to others, their appreciation and gratitude is a gift to me. It’s that simple rule: When we give, we get.
© Leslie Charles, Speaker, Author, Funeral-life Celebrant. leslie@lesliecharles.com
