The Ten Social Demandments
Antiquated, Outdated Social Expectations for “Well-Behaved” Women
Thou Shalt . . .
1) . . . keep thyself home rather than attend any kind of event in a solo state, lest it cause people to wonder, worry, or fret why thou art so friendless or unpopular.
2) . . . humbly and insistently fend off, fight off, argue, and reject any compliment or word of praise given to thee, no matter how sincerely it is delivered.
3) . . . not attempt any sport, craft, or artful pursuit in which thou may possess little or no ability, to avoid embarrassing thyself or inconvenience others due to thy unworthy performance.
4) . . . refrain from voicing an emphatic “no” or “I disagree” lest thee should disfavor another’s feelings for any reason, as thy lot in life is to help, please, appease, and be servile to others.
5) . . . not refuse any edible or gift item offered to thee, instead, thou shalt dutifully, devotedly accept and quell thy rejection or revulsion with feigned grace and enthusiasm.
6) . . . dutifully attending meaningless events to which thou hast been invited, even if thee would rather endure a root canal or gynecological exam instead.
7) . . . refraining dancing or singing out loud if thee lacks rhythm or suffers an absence of talent, lest others cast judgment or pity thy lack of mastery.
8) . . . refrain from laughing too loud, too long, or too often, lest thee offend the shy, the socially sensitive, judgmental, or humor impaired.
9) . . . not confront the (insulting) (offensive)(loudmouth) (drunken) family member who ruins holiday gathering lest thee cause embarrassment among the overly polite meek or repressed.
10) . . . honor Noah’s Two-by-Two Rule by limiting social functions to couples only, excluding the newly divorced or widowed lest their singular presence cause unease, awkwardness or coveting within thy circle of partnered pals.
