We all have insecurities and sometimes we need an intervention to stifle our snarky inner self. Point: there are people who regard you with awe. Let that soak in. Now consider how easily we wave off other people’s praise: a sneaky, self-imposed “snark attack” can strike when we least expect it.
Society has mixed standards for women: Be competent but not too ambitious. Be smart but don’t overdo. Be proud of your work but keep a lid on it. Unfortunately, there’s more. Next time you pass a magazine rack, note the deep dive into imagery, language and expectations targeting women. Live your best life! Be attractive! Be Alluring! Always look your best! And more.
But it never seems enough. Author Richard Bach stated, “Argue for your limitations and sure enough, they’re yours.” The self-judgment resulting from false standards reminds me of a conversation I had with a stranger after seeing military insignia on her hat.
Me: I hope you don’t mind, I’m noticing your hat.
She: Yes, I served in Iraq.
Me: Wow! I’ve not met many women with active military service. Thank you for your service and I’m happy you made it back.
She: I was a lot younger then. She paused, looked away, then mumbled . . . And thinner.
Wait! Whiplash! Where did that come from? A hangup lurking in the depths of her insecurities surfaced, offsetting the awe I hoped to convey.
Unlike in the movie Jaws, with snark attacks there is no creepy warning music to unfold, no clue of what comes next. They appear in a flash, and maybe that’s why this moment was so memorable.
I hope this story will encourage you to deep dive into your own perceived flaws, to avoid self-inflicted wounds. May you instead accept and absorb what others appreciate in you without dampening their kind words.
© Leslie Charles, Speaker, Author, Funeral-life Celebrant. leslie@lesliecharles.com