The pandemic was a rude reminder that life can run off the rails. Maybe you, like me, found yourself forcibly enrolled in a masterclass of uncertainty, ambiguity and discord. Reactions varied, and some people went DAFT. Here’s what I mean: when you have an unusually intense reaction to a person or situation, you’ve collided with a disquieting, distressing condition I call DAFT (Defensive-Angry, Fearful-Timid).
In childhood, my emotional “default” position was inadequacy. Maybe it began in second grade when, wearing mom’s ugly perennial “hobo” Halloween costume in our school parade, I trailed Pamela Darby who wore a sparkly full-length pink Fairy Princess dress with a tiara and wand. She shimmered while I, shabby and self-conscious, simmered with envy.
In eighth grade, another cringe-worthy episode confirmed my unworthiness. Our most sinister Sister of Mercy lifted the lid of my desk and ordered the class to peer into my private space festooned with wadded paper, gum or candy wrappers, church leaflets and broken pencils. This public shaming validated my not good enough feelings that lasted into adulthood.
Thankfully, I’ve grown up and away from that sorry state. Now, if or when that old Defensive-Angry, Fearful-Timid reaction raises its irksome head, I usually catch it and ask, “Where are these feelings coming from?” You can avoid letting DAFT overwhelm you by pausing and examining your mindset before you react.
De-clutter the DAFT
Going DAFT creates a scarcity wormhole that hijacks your confidence and self-worth. You relinquish your integrity and individuality when resentment, retaliation, inadequacy, or intimidation take over. By self-monitoring and analyzing your “hot buttons” you can disrupt Defensive-Angry, Fearful-Timid attacks. Explore your history. Locate those old hang-ups or sensitivities that cramp your capabilities. Get rid of them.
When facing a crisis of confidence, ask: Will I let DAFT stop me? Liberate yourself. Unplug those insecurity buttons you installed so long ago to think and see more clearly. You won’t always feel fearless, but you’ll build self-confidence. Katharine Hepburn once said: “People thought I was bold and fearless and even arrogant, but inside I was always quaking.” If she could do it, so can you. Dump the DAFT and instead, work on the craft of standing within the center of your true, authentic self.
© 2025. Leslie Charles, Speech Coach, Speaker, Author, Funeral-life Celebrant. leslie@lesliecharles.com